By Eduardo N. Cordovi Hernandez
HAVANA TIMES – Yesterday a teenager with whom I have a great affinity for came to ask me how to come out to a girl. Coming out, at least in Cuba, is the civilized method to inform a person that they are the object of our erotic attention. It is a protocol, a methodology, a non-scriptural civil formalism. But it is part of the most basic citizen etiquette.
Many children and young adults consider the use of this regulation or civilized procedure to be appropriate. Still, to some, such formalism seems like a barrier that, if not completely insurmountable, is at least enough of a nuisance.
That love relationships begin through this conversational resource is almost a norm. To declare oneself: it is to give a fairly solemn speech, to communicate that one wants to become intimate at a higher or greater depth.
I’m not saying it’s right or wrong. But yes, I see in that a supine naivety bordering on the concealment of passing as civilized. Look decent. Appearing to know how to do things or have, bring or come, with good intentions, with which one places more emphasis on something else than on what one is really dealing with. The matter remains that I do one thing to have another and with that a touch is given to the love matter that tastes like a utilitarian thing or a negotiation, in short.
I do not like it. I keep saying that it seems like a provincial pose and clumsy formalism to me. Where the best intentions get tangled in the fear of ridiculousness or in ridiculousness itself.
Before the long-awaited, feared and almost necessary recognition occurs, both terms of the equation know the result. If anyone ignores it, they are the one who declares themself. But if you have doubts, now at such a time! Better not to declare anything. It means having gone in a hurry. Not knowing how to read silent hints, body language, facial expressions. Not having the slightest understanding of the practical functional psychology of people or is a complete fool.
The man takes the initiative by instinct. Although, in today’s society, women have had more participation for a long time. They are no longer afraid of being considered light or too daring. However, men are still tied to The Declaration.
I think there is nothing to declare. At least with words. Much less in the rigor of a report or allegation.
It always bothered me to explain what the other person knows. I looked like I was playing the fool.
When I was almost thirty years old, an older friend told me something I intuited! But what he was not aware of and what was like an epiphany: People have to become friends. First of all! Be friends! Have confidence, talk, laugh.
That’s to say: Consume time together. Have fun. Have points of contact when criteria coincide and others in which they do not; without that something having to happen. But you don’t have to ask the woman if she is okay with having a romantic relationship with you. Nor do you have to wait for her to think about it, neither too much nor too little, to decide.
Much less ask her, in case of acceptance, if one can kiss her. But what a thing! Just try it and, if she doesn’t want to, let her get away. Nothing happens anymore! Not too soon either! I already said: first, make friends… These protocols are for hypocritical people who want to first put up a sign of decency for what they will say or what they will think. It’s clear! If there is friendship, nothing will be thought or said! There’s nothing wrong with continuing to do it.
Such knowledge, to me, was a marvel. I was never much of a talker, I never had the gift of the spoken word… (nor the gift of the written word, now, because I make an effort, not because I have the gift).
The case: I avoided the issue of starting a relationship with the threat of having to declare myself. You don’t have to inform them about that. They know it instinctively. It would be more beneficial not to show them great interest. Perhaps a certain touch of not being there for that will catch their attention. They are so tired of being the focus of male attention that it bothers them. When they find a different one, they don’t understand it. Then they let their guard down. It’s as if they thought: But, but what’s wrong with this guy? Is he blind or what? They are motivated by self-love and then they are the ones who want someone to be interested no matter what.
And that’s it for the Don Juanesque classes. There are a lot of guys getting rich selling advice like this out there.
Read more from the diary of Eduardo N. Cordovi here on Havana Times
